


that shattered feeling

by Lua



Series: the falling of a whole empire [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Gen, The Hale Family, The Hale Fire, Unbeta'd, life after the fire, one day my betas will return from war tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 16:19:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7394617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lua/pseuds/Lua
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the fire happens, Derek feels guilty for not knowing better than to trust a hunter. It's a mistake he can't fix anymore.</p><p> </p><p>"The falling of the whole empire is here to hold you<br/>Rolling out and haunted till it sleeps"<br/>empire ants - gorillaz</p>
            </blockquote>





	that shattered feeling

Derek didn’t expect a fire to be so loud it could mute the whole world.

He took a step back, a step away from Kate. She was smiling. He could smell the wolfsbane on her. The fire roared as it consumed the house. Derek couldn’t hear a word Kate was saying. He took a step towards the house and the mountain ash stopped him. Kate touched his arm, cocking her head slightly to the right and smiling sweetly at him like she was having the time of her life.

“Don’t you think a kiss by the fire is the most romantic thing?”

Her words sounded distant as realization dawned on him; Kate was mocking him. She hadn’t been forced to help. She caused this. She used him.

She used him to murder his family.

Derek wasn’t sure when he got up. He pushed her hand away and it made her laugh. Kate was laughing at him. Derek ran. His family was dying and he ran. He couldn’t get to them, he caused this, he led Kate to them and now Derek ran. He could smell it far into the preserve; the scent of burning human flesh and wolfsbane.

Someone tackled him down to the ground and Derek lashed out, all claws and fear and guilt. His heartbeat was too fast; his vision was blurred. Derek recognized it: this was fear; he was scared. He was going to die, and he deserved it for being so naïve, but he could still hear the fire and there was hope deep in his chest refusing to burn out. Maybe his family made it out. His claws didn’t catch anything, but why was he fighting? He caused this, he deserved to be hunted down and killed.

Someone was speaking. Derek couldn’t make out the words. He didn’t expect a fire to be so loud it could mute everything else. Maybe no one was home.

“Derek,” Laura roared, all alpha, and the world had sound again.

He could see the slashes on her face already starting to heal. He could see red eyes.

No.

No no no no no.

“Mom…” he began saying, unable to properly ask. Laura nodded and stood up.

“We have to go now.”

“Laura, the house. We have to…”

“We have to go _now_ ,” she insisted and grabbed his wrist, pulling him up.

Derek couldn’t think straight. He looked around and it took him a moment to find the right direction, to find their house burning in the distance. Laura pulled him along before Derek was ready to move, but this place wasn’t safe and he knew it. What surprised him was that Laura pulled him back towards the house. Maybe she knew he was guilty.

For a moment, he could feel the panic rising. Maybe…maybe she had saw him with Kate! Maybe she knew; maybe she blamed him. His hands were shaking; he wanted to apologize. He should’ve seen it through the lies. He should’ve kept to himself… Laura tightened her hold on his wrist for a moment before sliding her hand down to hold his own. It didn’t do much for reassuring him, but she wasn’t letting go.

“We need to check if anyone else made it alive,” she whispered. “There are hunters. Codeless ones.”

Derek nodded. It wasn’t the time to confess; he could see Laura was struggling too, and they had to find a hiding place and wait.

They hid and waited and listened. Laura didn’t let go of his hand, and, now, Derek was thankful for that. The sirens of the ambulance and fire trucks took so long and the fire was so loud. He was scared. He wanted to run into the house and slam himself against the mountain ash until it would allow him in so he could help them. It took a long time for the fire truck to come all the way from Beacon County and the realization that time was killing off his family one by one made him angry. It took a long time for them to find their way inside the preserve but it was a serious issue, they had to go before the whole place burned down. Laura told him to stay quiet as if she also felt the urge to throw herself into the flames or to growl at the late first responders or to do something even if it would be pointless and if it wouldn’t save anyone. Derek squeezed her hand back for the first time since she caught his, trying to reassure her. You still got me, he tried to say. They had to stay quiet now and hide.

And listen.

They listened to veiled insults and they waited. They heard about how serious it was to have a fire out here but it wasn’t so much because Derek’s whole family was burning to death but because the fire would spread through the woods and burn the preserve down; Derek heard a deputy commenting. He couldn’t help the threatening rumble on his chest then, but Laura gave him a cold look that pinned him down in place. He recognized the hurt on her eyes and he nodded because it was so close to his own. They always knew hunters were out there. They always knew law enforcement wouldn’t help them.

Derek felt a new wave of guilt wash over him. It was his fault because he had known better than to make such a stupid mistake.

They stayed quiet and watched. They watched as the fire got controlled and how the mountain ash barrier was broken by the water. They watched as the bodies slowly started being carried out. Derek tried to count them as they were carried out but the sadness was overwhelming. It was too shocking. It felt unreal. They couldn’t be dead. Maybe Laura wasn’t the alpha now. Maybe he was mistaken when he thought he saw he red eyes. Derek let out his breath slowly. No, he couldn’t think like that, he shouldn’t…but.

If Laura was the alpha, then his mother was dead. And so was his father. And uncle Peter. And aunt Theresa. And his sisters and his brothers. Everyone but Laura. And him. He didn’t notice his breath picked up again until Laura turned back to watch him for a moment before he gave her a curt nod to let her know it was okay. As okay as it could be in this situation.

They watched as three people were carried to an ambulance, but when Derek tried to get up and make a run to them, Laura’s hold tightened around his hand to the point of it being painful. It was very clearly a bad idea but it was his fault and he needed to help. Humans couldn’t take the pain away and he could tell from all the way over here there was pain to take. She shook her head and Derek understood. It was dangerous. He knew so. He didn't see where Kate disappeared to and she could be after them. Shit. Hunters were after them.

"Laura," Derek began speaking again, alarmed this time. She shook her head once more, she understood but they had to wait until everyone was gone. They had to be careful.

It felt like a lifetime before Laura got up again and they were allowed to abandon their hiding spot. She stared at their burned house, and Derek could smell the sadness coming from her. It mixed in the air with the pain and the burning smell and the wolfsbane and Kate. That hit him so hard it made him sick. For a moment, Derek thought he would puke.

Laura tugged on his hand again, unaware or choosing to ignore his reaction.

“We have to find somewhere safe. Regroup,” her voice held no confidence, but Derek could see she was trying to be the alpha. Shit. How could he tell her anything? What if Laura made him go kill Kate? He couldn’t, not after Paige. He didn’t want to see anyone else die because of him.

But his family did.

Laura walked away from the scene and Derek followed, fighting back the nausea and the tears. "We have to figure out who is alive," she insisted. "Sneak into the hospital? It’d be better if the hunters thought we ran away… If there’s nothing to hunt…” she nodded to herself. “We have to wait until tomorrow.”

Derek couldn’t pay attention to his surroundings, he just followed Laura. It was taking him an enormous effort to keep quiet, to not howl in mourning, to not cry, to not let his legs give out on him. To not lie down and wait for Kate to come back and finish the job. It was only when they got closer to the school he realized what Laura was talking about.

"The vault?" he asked and she nodded, looking tired.

Derek glanced at the direction of the burned shell of what used to be their house, and nodded too. He had told Kate about the vault, but never where it was. The smell was still thick in the air and it was like it would never go away. The vault should be safe. A spark of hope flared up on his chest. Maybe someone else would make it there. Maybe they already did. He couldn’t keep count of the bodies; he didn’t know if there were other survivors. They should hurry, they should go meet their family. Maybe someone else wasn’t home. Maybe it wasn’t his fault.

 “You have to anchor yourself,” she told him, looking as panicked as he felt. She looked so young. This was wrong; Laura shouldn’t be alpha. Not yet. “We need to figure out who is alive and leave. I know it’s hard, Derek, but you can’t let it go to your head right now.”

She was pleading. It dawned on Derek that Laura was scared, too. Was she worried he would lose control? He frowned; it was true he was still struggling with control but it hadn’t been that bad. Maybe she knew he gave their secrets away and she was scared the vault wasn’t safe anymore.

Maybe it was just grief.

“I need you to keep watch. We need to be careful.”

Derek had only been to the vault once. His uncle had brought him along to get the triskele and, Derek suspected, to show off his knowledge about secret pack storage that he probably shouldn’t have and neither should Derek. His breath caught on his throat as he realized that would never happen again. His eyes clouded with tears again, but Laura told him to keep watch as she opened the vault and so he rubbed them away and kept watch.  Laura’s senses were better now, but it wouldn’t hurt them to be sure no one was following. Or shooting arrows. Or bullets. Or setting them on fire after trapping them in.

She hurried Derek inside and it shouldn’t have been a surprise but it was.  The vault was empty. He didn’t hear anyone, didn’t catch any heartbeats, and, yet, he had thought it was possible. Derek had expected, he had hoped someone else would have made it but no one did.

His mind seemed muted after realizing they were likely the only ones who weren’t in the house.

“You can sleep,” Laura told him, bursting the bubble that seemed to keep trying to form around Derek. She was going through shelves in a corner with the precision of someone who knew what she was looking for. Derek nodded slowly, and caught a blanket that smelt like dust and mold when Laura threw it at him. “Rest. We’ll have to go in the morning, I’ll make preparations.”

Derek wanted to ask, he wanted to tell her everything he could tell her to help her. Laura was a good old sister; she would be a good alpha. He sat down, trying to get comfortable and use the folded blanket as a pillow. His body ached, he felt tired. They should plan. Some other Hales were out there. He was so tired but how could he actually sleep in this situation?

“Rest, little bro. I got this,” Laura assured him, and she sounded tired but they both knew the alpha would put the pack first so Derek listened and closed his eyes.

Derek wanted to believe Laura. She got this, she didn’t need him to tell him how involved he was or how scaredguiltytiredsad he was feeling. She didn’t need Derek to burden her by asking Laura to hold his hand and play with his hair, maybe tell him a bed time story because he kept seeing the flames consuming their house - and their family! - whenever he closed his eyes. Laura surely didn’t need him to add to her own pain with his own. He kept his eyes closed and tried to sleep.

It was a surprise when he woke up again, scared and confused. The weird scents of the vault startled him, and it took Derek a moment to calm down, to anchor himself and put the claws away. To breathe. He didn’t expect to fall asleep and he didn’t notice when he actually did so.

Laura was nowhere to be found.

Derek rubbed the sleep away from his eyes and tried to organize his thoughts. She would come back for him; there was no point in worrying. He pulled his knees close to his chest and took a deep breath, thinking it a mistake as soon as he did it because he could feel the tears coming to his eyes and without Laura to keep him ashamed enough there was nothing keeping him from crying. He sobbed.

How could he had been so naïve?

He hugged his knees and rested his forehead on them, letting himself cry. His sobs got louder, echoing in the vault and making him feel worse. Alone. Derek wrapped his arms tighter around his knees as if someone would make him get up and face the world. His erratic breathing made the sobs sound uglier.

He wanted to call for him mom. He wanted to go out and find his little sisters and his brother and his uncle and aunt and everyone. He wanted this to be a terrible dream.

He felt tired.

When Derek woke up again, Laura was back and he felt worse, having cried himself to sleep. He felt exhausted and his muscles ached. He had no idea how much time had passed.

Laura was speaking but it was hard to make out her words. She looked tired, too, so he didn’t say anything. She could probably smell it on him. He felt guilty.

“…are you listening?” she paused what she was saying and crouched down into front of him, suddenly worried. Derek felt the urge to hug her, but there was something holding him back.

He took a deep breath.

“Still waking up. I’m fine,” Derek told her and it was a lie; they both knew it. He hoped she would assume it was just because of their loss.

Laura watched him carefully for a little longer before she nodded and got back up, patting her pants as if she had been the one sitting on the dusty floor.

“I was telling you I checked the hospital. Uncle Peter survived…”

“We have to get him!” Derek interrupted, too eager.

Naïve; he scolded himself in his mind. Wasn’t that eagerness that got them all in this mess to begin with? He frowned, Laura shook her head.

“He was moved to Eichen because of a bunch of weird burn injury stuff. I couldn’t get a proper look, but I think it’s meant to keep him safe from the hunters. I remember mom telling me she had an advisor, and there was this place,” she shook her head again. “I couldn’t find him. I couldn’t find anyone else. We should get ready to go; we should leave.”

Fuck. Their uncle had been the only survivor from the ones who got rescued, and he might still die. This wasn’t looking good for them; he had to tell Laura what hunter to look out for. He had to help her prepare.

“Where…?” he asked instead.

“I heard of a doctor who have been saying things about supernatural creatures,” she nodded and flashed him a weak but reassuring smile. “It’s not much but if we get him, he might help get uncle Peter while we keep hiding. Mom dealt with some Argents not too long ago; we really need to get away before anything else happens. If we can’t get to uncle Peter right now, we have to leave him. If he’s stable enough to their burn unity, we can get him transferred to wherever we are.”

Derek frowned even more. It felt wrong to leave Peter behind but if there was something going on with the Argents and Kate had planned from the beginning, maybe he’d be safer hidden from them. And Laura was the alpha, she wouldn’t just leave her betas to die. He nodded.

“Where should we go to?” she smiled at him. It felt like she was making a huge effort to improve the mood, trying to show him the future could, still, hold something good. That they still had hope. “We need to get far away and hide, but it doesn’t mean we can’t go someplace we would like to.”

If Laura was making such an effort and if Peter was fighting for his life, he could be brave, too. He tried to smile at her. It felt forced and weak.

“New York?” he suggested.

Derek wanted to curl up and cry again, but he got up anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this.
> 
> the beta'd version will be up as soon as i have it. the title comes from the song to binge by gorillaz and the series title comes from the song empire ants by gorillaz.


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